Crazy Dreams

[lovestory]

Kendall.

I sat paiently at the piano, during my pre-performance package, waiting to start my song. I was dressed and ready to go. I nervous as anything. I don't know how this whole piano thing was going to go over tonight, during rehersal everything went smoothly, but anything could happen now.

The package ended and I smoothed out my dress as I nervously waited for my cue to start the song.

"Tonight she has chosen 'Across The Universe', singing live for your votes, please welcome Kendall Thompson!" Ryan annouced, as everyone in the studio cheered.

I took a small breath, before starting the opening for the song

Words are flying out like
endless rain into a paper cup
They slither while they pass
They slip away across the universe
Pools of sorrow waves of joy
are drifting thorough my open mind
Possessing and caressing me

Jai guru deva om
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world

Images of broken light which
dance before me like a million eyes
That call me on and on across the universe
Thoughts meander like a
restless wind inside a letter box
they tumble blindly as
they make their way across the universe

Jai guru deva om
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world

Everyone cheered and I smiled as I finished up the song. I let out a deep breath and stood up, walking over to the center of the stage to be judged. I felt a tear slid down my cheek as all the emotions leading up to this week, were released. I quickly swiped it away and blew a kiss to my mom and aunt, who were on their feet cheering for me.

"Yo. Alright," Randy said, smiling as the crowd continued to cheer, "I don't know if it was my favorite performance by you, but really nailed it. You changed it just enough and the piano was hot! Nice job!"

"Thank you!" I smiled.

"You connected with the song and I really loved how it was just you and the piano tonight. It was beautiful!" Ellen smiled.

"Thank you."

"These past couple of weeks we have been hearing this big, powerful voice come from you and tonight you just sat there with the piano and sang. It was really a beautiful performance and what I love about you Kendall, is that I never know what I am going to see from you. Are you going to sing a Aretha Franklin song and belt it out or do something like this. Either way, you can sing!" Kara told me.

"Thank you so much!" I grinned.

"Kendall, these past couple weeks have been rough on you. Last week I honestly thought the performance was awful and I was getting sick of your screeching." Simon said, as everybody booed.

I bit my bottom lip and smiled a little bit as he ripped me apart for last weeks performance. Like I didn't get enough of that last week.

"However, tonight you chose the perfect song and proved that you have a fantasic voice. Very good job."

"Thank you!" I laughed nervously, as everyone cheered.

"Very nicely done!" Ryan said, walking over to me and giving me a quick hug.

"Thank you." I answered.

"I saw you get a little choked up after that performance."

"It was a rough week and just seeing my mom out there cheering for me got to me a little bit. I'm okay though." I said, holding back the tears and giving him a small smile.

"To vote for Kendall, call 1-866-IDOLS-07, that's 1-866-43657-07 or you can text the word Vote to 5707. Thank you very much Kendall, good luck!" Ryan said, wrapping his arm around my shoulder.

I smiled and nodded as everyone cheered. I waved to the fans.

"Don't move, after the break we have a little something from Aaron Kelly!"

I clapped softly as everyone cheered as they cued to commercial break. I quickly walked off stage, as the stage crew came up to get the stage set for Aaron's song. I walked down the stairs and was greeted by Aaron, who stood at the bottom, getting prepped for his song.

"That was awesome!" Aaron said, wrapping his arms around me.

"Thank you so much!" I said, hugging him back, "Good luck. Kick some butt Ar."

"I will." He nodded.

I smiled and patted his back as I walked past him and headed down the hall to the waiting area. I walked into the room and Lee was the first one, like always, standing at the door waiting for me. His face lit up in a smile and I wrapped my arms around his neck, hugging him tightly as a few tears fell.

"That was awesome. I told you they would love it." Lee buried his face in my hair, as he spoke softly to me.

I pulled away and smiled at him. He laughed softly and wiped my tears away, before kissing my forehead.

"It just feels so good to do that after everything that happened this week." I told him.

"You're a sap." Lee laughed, as he rubbed my back.

I smiled and pushed him gently.

It just felt good, that after this week of drama, I pulled off a pretty good performance. I could get through anything.

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I walked through the halls, after the show. We were all gathering up our things and heading back home for the night and I couldn't wait to go back and crash. Tuesday's were alway such long days and by the end of them I was always ready to just go home and crash.

"Kendall."

I turned around, when I heard the familar voice call my name. I felt my stomach churn, as I hoped that it was all in my mind at what I was looking at.

"Dad." I said softly.

He really had some nerve showing up here, when neither my mom or I wanted him here. I have been ignoring his phone calls and e-mails for the past week for a certain reason. I wanted nothing to do with him and wanted to just be as far away from him as possible, but clearly he didn't understand that.

He walked towards me and smiled.

"You were incredible tonight and made me really proud."

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"Did you really think I would miss this? No matter what happened Kendall, I love you more then anything and I can't take back all those stupid mistakes that I made."

"Why'd you do it dad? Everything was perfect and you just went and ruined it all! How could you even think about doing that?" I asked, getting angry as I looked at him.

"I don't know. I honestly don't know what was going through my mind."

"You screwed up. Do you know what it is like to not be able to trust your father, the man that is always supposed to be their for his daughters and protect them from sh!t like this! You totally screwed everything up and I am so pissed off at you." I yelled, feeling the tears sting the back of my eyes.

"Kendall, relax." He said, grabbing my arm.

"You want me to relax?" I pulled my arm away from him, "Lleave! I am not ready to see you or talk to you! Maybe one day I will be able to, but things will never be like they were. You ruined that."

"Can you please just hear me out?" My dad asked.

"I really need to get going." I whispered, wiping my eyes.

"Just five minutes."

"There's nothing that needs to be said. I know what happened and there is no way of denying it anymore. You were a pig and slept with a girl who is old enough to be my sister, so please just leave. I can't do this right now. I don't need this added stress." I told him.

"Fair enough," He nodded, "I just hope one day you will be able to forgive me. I know I messed up and I know that I hurt you, your sisters, and your mom. I love you all and that will never change. I'm proud of you Kendall and no matter what happens, I will be one of your biggest fans."

It took all my might not to just run into his arms and hug him, like old times, but I didn't. I couldn't find it in myself to forgive him. Not yet.

"Thanks for coming out dad. I appreciate it." I said.

"I love you kid."

"I love you too." I sighed.

And I did. He may be a jackass and he may have screwed up big time, biut he was my dad and I love him no matter what. I didn't necessarily like him, but I would always love him.

Hopefully one day this gets easier.

[caitlynj]

this was an amazing chapter. I love this story.

[lovestory]

Kendall.

"My dad came by." I told Lee, later that night.

I walked into the living room of his apartment later that night, holding a water bottle. He was sprawled out on the couch, flipping through the channels.

"What do you mean? He came by the studio?" Lee asked, looking up at me as I stood in front of the tv.

"Yeah. He found me after the show and told me how proud he was and how sorry he is," I said, biting my bottom lip, "I don't know what to think. I'm just so angry that he did that and as much as I wish I could forgive him, I just can't. It's too soon right now."

"He messed up big time, but you do realize he loves you and would do anything for your sisters and you." Lee said, dropping the remote on the coffee table in front of him.

"I know." I nodded, ripping the label off my water bottle.

"Come here." Lee held out his arms.

I walked over to the couch and he grabbed my waist, pulling me on top of him. I rested my head on his chest. He grabbed the blanket from the top of the couch and draped it over us, before he wrapped his arm around my waist and slid his hand up my tank top and started to rub my lower back as I closed my eyes. I felt him kiss the top of my head, before laying his head back against the pillow.

"You've been amazing through this whole thing. Thank you so much." I whispered, cuddling closer to him.

"That's my job as your boyfriend. I'm supposed to be here for you, it's in the rule book." Lee said.

I laughed softly and kissed his shoulder.

"Promise me one thing." I opened my eyes, and looked up at him.

"What's that?" Lee asked, his eyes closed.

"When you become a huge rockstar and have millions and millions of girls crying over you and trying to get on your tourbus to do some nasty crap, don't forget about me and leave me for one of those groupies." I smiled, tracing the outline of his jaw with my fingers.

"Only if you don't forget about me when you are a huge pop star, grinding up against other guys in next to nothing in your music videos." Lee snickered.

"Grinding in next to nothing?" I smacked his chest lightly, "Glad you have high hopes for me."

"Isn't that what those pop stars do now?" Lee asked, smiling, "Well the hot ones anyway. You're hot, therefore they will make you dress like a hoochie and show off you goodies."

"Look at Carrie Underwood and Kelly Clarkson, both came off this show and are classy looking girls. They won't make me do that, because if you haven't noticed most the fans are young girls and that would make them lose fans if I were to do that." I told him.

"I mean, I am all for you dressing like a hoochie, as long as it's only for me." Lee said, smiling.

"Okay, I won't dress like a hoochie or grind up on any guy unless it's you." I laughed.

"Works for me." Lee said.

"And you won't bring any girls onto your tourbus, unless it's me."

"Can't promise you anything." Lee said.

I reached up and grabbed his nipple through his tee-shirt and twisted it. He grabbed my hand and pushed it away.

"Ow! What is with you and twisting my nipples when you get mad at me?" Lee asked, rubbing his chest, "I swear I am in a abusive relationship."

"Shut up." I laughed.

"Just leave my nipples alone." He smiled.

I laughed and kissed his cheek, before sitting up and grabbing his hands, pulling him up with me.

"Let's go to bed. I'm tired." I told him.

He nodded as I climbed off the couch and grabbed his hands, pulling him up off the couch. He grabbed my hand and led me towards his bedroom.

I collasped on his bed, besides him and laid half on top of him as he held me close to him.

It was moments like these that I loved. Just Lee and me, laying around doing nothing.

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"How's your nipple?" I asked Lee, the next afternoon as I sat in the hair and make up chair, getting my hair done. He was standing in front of my chair, talking to me.

"I think you ripped it off." He teased.

"I don't even want to know what you guys are talking about." Katie shook her head, giving me a disgusted look.

"Looks like Lee and Kendall got a bit freaky last night, if ya know what I am saying." Mike said, winking at me.

"No, my girlfriend just likes to abuse me." Lee corrected.

"Lee, you shouldn't stay in a abusive relationship." Mike said sighed.

"He loves me and my purple nurples." I gave him a big, cheesy smile.

"She does them a lot. I don't get it." Lee said.

I laughed and grabbed his hand and pulled him to me. He leaned down and gave me a quick kiss.

"Lee, get out of here! You just ruined her make up!" Megan, our make up artist laughed, "No kissing after the lip gloss is applied."

"That was all Kendall." Lee said, shoving a handful of m&m's in his mouth

"Oh yes! I can hardly resist you Lee. There's nothing sexier then a man who is stuffing his face with M&M's and chewing with his mouth opened. It makes me hot. I also love how the blue dye is melted on your hands like a five year old. You're extremely sexy Lee. I don't know how I can sit here and not jump your bones." I said sarcastcally.

"I know how you feel. You don't gotta tell me." Lee bent down and kissed my forehead.

I smiled and glanced over as I heard Crystal say something to one of the producers, she was crying and went running out of the room. Everybody fell silent and I quickly stood up and headed out of the room, to find Crystal and make sure that she was okay.She had been there for me with everything going on and I was going to return the favor.

I found her, sitting outside crying. I walked over to her and she looked at me.

"I can't do this anymore. I quit. It's just way too much."

"What happened?" I asked, grabbing her hands.

"I miss my son and on top of it Tony is out of place and wants nothing to do with the show anymore. This isn't for him and it's ruining our relationship and it's not worth it." She cried.

"Crys, you are doing this for your son. You can't just give up like that. This is all for him and to give him a better life, you and Tony are just having a rough patch. You can't just give this all up because you two are having a hard time."

"That's just part of it." Crystal said, "There is so much stress involved and it's getting to be too much for me to handle."

"It's hard on everybody. We are all feeling that stress, sure we don't all have the same things to worry about, but we all are going through sh!t too. You can't run away from this, I won't allow you to run away from this." I said.

"I appreciate you trying to help me, but I can't."

"Crystal, you made it this far and are one of the most talented people I know. You are doing this for your son and you want him to have a better life, think of him when you are having a hard day and realize that if you continue on, you are going to give that little boy the best life." I told her.

She sighed and I gave her a hug.

"Don't give up." I whispered.

"I just need sometime to think."

I nodded and let go of her.

The drama never ends here.

[caitlynj]

this is really good.

[alexisgat06]

[lovestory]

Thanks guys! This is nothing much, but I have to go to work so I will just post this.

-----------------------------------------

Kendall.

I played nervously with the hem of my dress as I sat on the top couch on the stage, between Lee and Casey. No matter how well I did the night before, I was always nervous for result show night. Anything can happen. I've been watching the show since season one and there have been a lot of shock votes. Nobody was definately safe, especially when everybody did extremely well last night.

"Welcome back to American Idol, tonight we lose somebody in the top nine unless the judges decide to safe the contestant with the lowest amount of votes. Dim the lights and let's get started!" Ryan said, "Can Kendall, Crystal, and Katie please come down to the center of the stage?"

Everyone cheered as we all stood up and made our way to the center of the stage. Lee grabbed my hand quickly as I walked past him, I turned my head and smiled at him as I walked over and stood between Katie and Crystal.

"Alright, Crystal Bowersox, you sang Come Together. The judges all agreed that it was a great performance and Simon said it was a performance you can hear on the radio."

Everyone cheered and Crystal smiled. I placed my hand on her back and smiled. After her mini meltdown, she calmed down and decided to come back and stick it out. She was in much better spirits now and apologized over and over. She had nothing to be sorry for. This is taking a toll on us all and I know exactly how she feels, we all do. I was glad she decided to come back, because it would suck without her here. She's like the mother figure of the house.

"Katie Stevens, you sang Let It Be. The judges all agreed that it was the best performance of yours so far in this competition, Kara said Not only a great vocal, but you're blossoming and confident." Ryan read his card.

The audience cheered and I looked at Katie and smiled.

"Kendall Thompson, you sand Across the Universe, like Crystal and Katie's performaces the judges loved it. Simon said you chose the perfect song and proved you have a fantastic voice."

I smiled as everyone cheered. I felt Crystal wrap her arm around my shoulder and give me a small hug.

"Randy, do you think that any of these girls could be headed home tonight?" Ryan asked.

"No, based on last nights performances, these girls were hot! They definately shouldn't be going home." Randy said.

The audience cheered loudly, as Ryan glanced at his card, taking forever to read what the results said. I was about to rip the card out of his hand and read what it said.

"Crystal, you are safe." Ryan said, "You may take a seat! Congratulations.

Everyone cheered and I smiled turning towards Crystal and giving her a hug. She smiled and walked over towards the couches, where all the guys greeted her with hugs.

"Katie and Kendall." Ryan said.

I gave him a small smile and wrapped my arm around Katie.

"I can tell you that one of you is safe," Ryan said, glancing at the both of us, "And so is the other! Congratulations!"

Everyone cheered and I let out a deep breath and smile as Katie pulled me into a hug. I laughed nervously as I wrapped my arms around her neck and hugged her.

"You're evil Ryan." I laughed, as I walked past him, my arm around Katie.

I ran back towards the couches and took a seat in the same spot as before. Lee wrapped his arm around my shoulder, as I sat down and gave me a small hug.

"Congratulations." Lee said.

"Thank you. I almost threw up." I laughed, softly.
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The bottom 3 was annouced. It was Aaron, Mike, and Andrew. Aaron was sent back first, which meant that either Mike or Andrew were packing their bags, unless the judges decided to save one of them. Either way we looked at it, it sucked. I was very close to both Mike and Andrew and wanted neither of them to go home.

"The person who will perform next week, and is safe is." Ryan paused for what seemed like four hours, "Andrew Garcia. Big Mike is going to be singing for his life."

We all stood up from the couch as Andrew made his way over to us. I gave him a hug when he made his way to me. I was happy that he was safe, but I was upset that Big Mike was possibly getting the boot. It was way too early for him to leave.

"Ladies and gentleman singing for his spot, Mike Lynche!" Ryan said.

I sat down as his song started and he started singing his ass off. I glanced over at the judges, as they discussed amongst themselves if they would save Mike of not. Lee wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me closer to him.

"This sucks." I whispered.

"They'll save him." Lee nodded, as he stared at the stage.

"I hope so."

"They'll save him. Trust me, he's too good to leave now."

I nodded as Mike finished his song. The audience went crazy and we all stood up cheering for him. Ryan walked over and patted Big Mike's back and congratulated him.

"Have you guys made a decision yet?" Ryan asked.

"After some discussing, we all decided that we will see you next week Mike!" Simon answered, with a smile.

We all ran to the center of the stage as the audience and judges went crazy. Mike picked me up in a big bear hug and I laughed.

"You're stuck with this dysfunctional family for another week." I laughed, as he put me down.

"I'll take it." Mike smiled.

"Me too!" I nodded.

"Let's go out and celebrate this one." Lee said, giving Mike a quick hug.

"I need to knock back a few after that one." Mike said, and we all laughed.

Why couldn't all result shows end like this. Just give us all the crown and not kick anybody off for the next nine weeks.

[caitlynj]

good chapter.

[lovestory]

Kendall.

I stumbled into Lee's apartment later that night, holding onto him around his neck. His arm wrapped tightly around my waist as he led me towards his room, holding me so I wouldn't fall.

We all went out and celebrated Mike's save and let's just say I had a little too much to drink. I have never been much of a drinker and I am a total lightweight, but tomorrow, the only thing we had to do was have a meeting and that was at noon. I just wanted to have some fun. I think I deserved to sit back and let off some steam.

"You're the best boyfriend and I love you." I said, in a sing song voice as I stopped walking, "Do you love me? Am I beautiful?"

"I love you and you're gorgeous." Lee sighed, smiling a bit.

Usually I was the one taking care of his drunken ass, tonight the tables turned and he was taking care of mine. My how the tables turn.

"Do you want to marry me and father my children?" I asked, wrapping my arms around his neck tighter as the room started spinning, "I wanna marry you Lee and I want to have a million babies with you and we can start a family band. Like the Partridge family, but we'll be the DeWyze family and much cooler."

"I think that the vodka is talking." Lee said, giving me a look.

"You don't wanna marry me?" I asked, dropping my arms from his neck, "Is it cause I am ugly and fat?"

"Kendall, now isn't the time to discuss marriage. You are in no state to be doing that, let's get some sleep." Lee said, grabbing my hand to steady me.

I pulled my hand out of his grasp and started to walk to his bedroom, stumbling the whole way there. Lee stood close behind me, making sure I didn't fall.

"I want to marry you someday." I slurred, as I sat down on his bed, kicking off my heels.

"Okay Kendall." He smiled.

"I want a big wedding, with a pretty dress. I want to look like Cinderella or someone like that." I rambled.

"Why don't you worry about getting some sleep and not your wedding." Lee said.

"Our wedding." I corrected.

"You're freaking me out with this wedding talk Kendall." Lee muttered.

I stood up and fumbled to get my dress off. Lee walked over and helped me pull it over my head. He handed me one of his tee-shirts and I grabbed it, before tossing it on over myself.

"I don't feel very well." I said.

My stomach started churning and my mouth dried out. Lee grabbed my hand and rushed me into the bathroom, that was connected to his bedroom. I hurried over to the toilet and bent over it and let everything come up. Lee grabbed my hair and rubbed my back.

I sat down on the ground as I reached up and flushed the toilet. I looked up at Lee as he went over to the sink and grabbed a washcloth, wetting it a bit. He walked back over to me and bent down, wiping my face.

"I'm so sorry." I muttered, leaning my head against the bathtub.

"No, it's fine." He said, "Let's head to bed and you can sleep this off."

I nodded and Lee stood up. He grabbed my hand and helped me up, before walking me into his bedroom. He pulled the covers back on his bed and helped me into the bed, before pulling the covers up on me and bending down and kissing my forehead.

"If you feel sick, please try and make it to the bathroom. I don't really feel like cleaning up puke." Lee whispered, and I nodded, "You are so going to regret this in the morning."

"I wanna sleep." I muttered, "And I wanna marry you."

"Marriage talk again?" Lee sighed, "Just get some sleep. I am going to get you some water and aspirins, cause you are going to have a massive headache tomorrow."

I nodded and closed my eyes as he walked out of the room. He came back in a few moments later and placed the glass of water on the nightstand, with two asprins.

"Lay with me." I said.

"I am." Lee said.

He climbed into bed next to me. I felt him reach out and run his fingers through my hair and lean over to give me a kiss on my cheek. I closed my eyes and fell asleep. Knowing full well that I was going to be a mess tomorrow. Nothing like nasty hangover on a rehersal day.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"How are you feeling?" Lee asked, the following morning as I walked into his kitchen, where him and Andrew were sitting and eating breakfast.

"Like sh!t. I feel like I was hit by a mack truck and I just want to sleep all day, until this awful headache goes away." I groaned, sitting down on the empty chair between the two of them, "I feel like I am going to throw up any minute too. Today's going to suck."

"You're a crazy drunk." Lee smiled, "You were talking about getting married to me and then around three in the morning, I wake up and you are completely naked, and you went to bed completely clothed. I didn't bother to change you because I was tired, I didn't feel like listening to you discuss our wedding and what we will name our kids, and I don't care if a hot, naked girl is in my bed."

"Oh my gosh!" My eyes widened, "I am so sorry. That is so embarassing."

"It's fine. You didn't do any damage and when you threw up, you made it to the bathroom. That's all I care about." Lee smiled.

"Who knew that little Kendall, was such the party girl." Andrew laughed, as he took a sip of his water.

"I'm not. That is why I don't drink, because I am such a lightweight and then I feel like this the next morning. I'll leave the drinking to you babe." I looked at Lee, and he smiled.

"You're cute, even with your head in the toilet." Lee laughed.

"Shut up." I rolled my eyes, and laid my head on the table, "This meeting better be quick so I could go back to the apartment and sleep my hangover away."

Andrew laughed and stood up, placing his glass in the sink. He patted my head as he walked out of the kitchen and I looked at Lee, who just smiled at me and shook his head.

"Sorry about the marriage thing. That is beyond embarassing."

"You wanna marry me?" Lee smiled, crossing his arms over his chest and smiling at me.

"I was drunk." I defended myself.

"There is always a bit of truth that comes out when you drink. You told me you wanted to marry me and have babies with me and we can start a family band, like the Partridge Family."

"I didn't." I gasped, sitting up and covering my face with my hands.

"You so did." Lee laughed, "I'm not going to lie it kinda freaked me out. I mean we have been together, five monthes?"

"Yeah." I nodded, looking down at my lap.

"I love you and I eventually do see myself marrying you, but I also realize we haven't been together that long and that it may not be it. I realize that after this show is over and we go on and do our own things that we may not work. We are going to be in different places at different times, trying to further our careers and it's not going to be easy."

"So, you don't even think we will last after this is over?" I asked.

"I'm not saying that, but there is always a possibility of that."

"What am I doing here with you if you are so worried that we aren't going to last?" I asked, looking up at him, "I mean, you feed me this sh!t that you love me and want to be with me and then you drop this bombshell on me that you are worried we'll never make it?"

"Kendall, I was with my ex for three years and I thought she was the one and we ended up breaking up because we were in two different places. I'm just being realistic here." Lee defended himself.

"Wow Lee." I sighed, shaking my head, "I'm nowhere near wanting to get married yet, but I had a feeling that eventually in the very future you would be the man I marry. Apparently not though, because you have the same feelings for me that you had with your ex-girlfriend. The same ex-girlfriend that came to the show and that you claimed you were never in love with. Any other bombs or worries you want to drop on me while you we are doing this? Any babies, girls on the side, anything?"

"You are overreacting. I'm not saying we won't make it, I'm just saying that there is always a chance that we won't."

"I love you Lee and I would do anything to make this work, but apparently you won't. Realationships are a two way street and I am willing to make things work, but apparently you aren't." I scoffed.

"All we have been doing for the past two weeks is fighting. Can you blame me for having doubts about everything?" Lee asked, tossing his hands in the air.

"Do you love me Lee?" I asked, staring at him.

"Kendall." He sighed.

"Lee, do you love me. It's a yes or no question." I snapped, choking back the tears that were forming in my eyes.

"I don't know." He shrugged.

"You're an asshole! You lied to me Lee and you made me look like a complete idiot! Why would you ever lie to me and tell me that you loved me when you didn't?" I yelled at him, standing up.

"I thought I did Kendall." He said, "I'm so sorry. I care about you so much."

"Go to hell! I'm over you and your games. Go find another girl to mess with, because we're done here. Thanks for wasting my time and lying to me! You're a jackass." I stormed out of his apartment, slamming the door on my way out.

I walked down the hall to my apartment and opened the door. Katie was sitting in the living room, watching tv with her mom. She smiled at me as I walked further in the apartment, her smile faded as she saw the tears running down my face.

"It's over. Just like that we're done." I sobbed.

Katie stood up and walked over to me, pulling me into a tight hug. Her mom slipped out of the room and into the kitchen, to give us some privacy.

"What the hell happened?" Katie asked.

"He's not in love with me and he dropped this whole bombshell on how he didn't think we'll make it. This is all news to me, because last night he was feeding me so much crap, telling me he loved me." I sobbed into her shoulder.

"I'm so sorry." She whispered.

I never saw that coming. Everything just came crashing down on me at once. How could he do this to me? I hated him for everything he put me through, atleast Kyle had the balls to not lead me on like Lee did. I was so over relationships.

[caitlynj]

poor Kendall.

[lovestory]

Kendall.

I walked into the studio later that afternoon, dressed in a tank top and shorts and my sunglasses on. I have been crying for what seemed like forever and I was definately not going to be taking my sunglasses off for Lee to see my bloodshot eyes, I wouldn't give him the benefit of the doubt. This was honestly the last thing I felt like doing toegther. I was so hungover and I felt even worse, since the breakup with Lee. It was still so shocking to me.

I followed Katie towards a empty seat and sat down besides her and across from Lee. I pushed up my sunglasses and glanced up at Lee, who quickly looked away from me when I made eye contact with him. I could tell that as long as both of us were here, things were going to be awkward.

"How are you feeling?" Crystal asked me.

"I'm alright. I'll survive, we all go through some shitty times." I said, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear.

"Hang in there and if you need to talk to anyone, just know that I am here." She wrapped her arm around my shoulder, and pulled me into a quick hug.

"Thanks Crys." I gave her a small smile.

"You're a strong girl and don't need to be with a guy to be happy. You're hot, so go and play the field. Make him jealous over there and show him what he is missing." Crystal said softly and I laughed, looking over at Lee, who was talking to Andrew, "Pull those booty shorts a little higher."

"I perfer the whole world doesn't see my ass, just to get back at my ex." I laughed, shaking my head.

"Listen, I love Lee and think he is a great guy, but he is stupid for letting you go. He'll eventually see it." Crystal nodded.

"It's not that he wasn't in love with me that pissed me off, it's the fact he kept telling me he was and I believed him." I sighed.

"Guys are stupid." Crystal said.

"I am so done with boyfriends right now. I am focusing on myself and not anything with a penis." I shrugged, Crystal laughed, "They say everything happens for a reason. Mr. right is out there somewhere. I just have to kiss some toads to find him."

I was tricking myself into thing that I was okay with everything. Forget singing, I should be an actress. I wasn't okay, I felt empty and numb. I knew that in the future I would be, but right now I just wanted to run over to him take him back.

My thoughts were interuppted when Ken Warwick, the producer, walked into the room.

"How are you all doing this afternoon?" He asked.

Everyone mustered out a good and he nodded and smiled.

"I'm not going to keep you here long, I just have a little surprise for you all." Ken said.

"You're crowning us all the Idols and giving us record deals." Katie piped up, and I had to smile.

"Not quite the surprise." He grinned, "As you all know this weeks theme is Elvis week and Adam Lambert is your mentor and what better place to send you guys then someplace that is all about Elvis."

"Graceland?" Andrew asked.

"I was thinking more like Vegas." He grinned.

"Aw shit! We're going to Vegas, everybody watch out!" Andrew yelled, giving Lee five.

"You know what they say. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas." Lee grinned.

I rolled my eyes at their exchange. He definately said that just to get under my skin and I'll be lying if I said it didn't bother me, but he was single and can do whatever he wants with whoever he wants. I wasn't going to allow him to ruin my fun.

Vegas, I never been there so I'm sure it will be pretty fun, especially with Crystal and Katie there with me. I'm sure we will have a good time. I was actually looking foreward to get out of the apartments for a little.

"It's not going to be partying and fun. It's strictly work. You're only there for one night and flying back the next day. There will ne no clubs, no parties, nothing. Just the mentoring and back to the hotel." Ken said, and everyone let out groans, "Half of you aren't even old enough to get into the clubs anway."

"Can't we explore the city a little bit, I've never been there!" Katie asked.

"There won't be enough time," He said, "Now, go back and pack a overnight bag. You're flight leaves in a couple hours."

"Sweet!" Tim said.

"Have fun, but not too much." Ken smiled, as we all stood up and filed out of the room, thanking him as we walked past him.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We were on our way to Vegas, in a private jet that the show set up for us. I must say, it was pretty awesome and I felt like a celeberity. It was pretty crazy and I could definately get used to this life.

I was reading a magazine and listening to my IPOD, when I felt someone sit down on the couch next to me. I looked up and saw Lee sitting there, staring at me. He was the last person I wanted to talk to right now. I wasn't ready to have a conversation with him, it was bad enough sitting in the same room as him.

I pulled my earphones out of my ears and closed my magazine, tossing it to the side.

"Hey." He said quietly.

"Hi. Is something wrong?" I asked.

"I just want to make sure things aren't awkward between us. This morning was a bit crazy and I know we are no longer together, but I don't want to lose your friendship. You're one of my best friends here and I don't want something stupid like this to end that." Lee explained.

"Honestly, you screwed up big time and I don't think we can just be friends. I still have feelings for you and I can't just act like everything is okay," I said, glancing up at him, "I need sometime to get over everything. You really broke my heart today."

"I'm so sorry." He said, looking down at the floor.

"Don't apologize for the way you feel, you can't help that, but it was the way that it went down. I wish you told me sooner, before I fell so hard for you." I told him.

"I know. I just didn't want to see you get hurt and when I realized that I hurt you even more by waiting so long, it killed me. No matter what I care about you and I cherish the friendship and even the relationship we had and I will do anything to get that back." Lee said.

"We're cool, but not like we used to be. That is going to take a long time to get back too." I explained to him, and he nodded.

"Can we hug it out?" He asked, with a smile.

"I guess." I smiled back

He stood up and pulled me up, so that I was standing in front of him. He wrapped his arms around my neck and hugged me tightly. I wrapped my arms around his mid section and held him.

It felt so good to be in his arms. I just wish he was still mine.

[caitlynj]

I feel bad for Kendall. Everything just keeps going down hill for her.

[lovestory]

Kendall.

I headed into the rehersal room, where Adam Lambert was there to mentor us. I didn't really follow his music, but I did watch Idol when he was on it and although I didn't vote for him (that's our secret), the guy had a killer voice and his performances were always interesting. I was excited to meet him and work with him, especially because he has been through what we are going through and can really relate to us in the sense of being on the show.

"Hi." I waved, as I walked over to him, holding my sheet music.

"Hey! I'm Adam." He said, giving me a quick hug.

"I'm Kendall. It's so nice to meet you." I smiled, and smoothed out my outfit nervously.

"Nice to meet you too! So, what are you going to be singing this week?" Adam asked.

"Suspcious Minds." I answered.

"Awesome. I love that song," He smiled, "How about we give it a little run through first and then we will help you fix whatever needs to be fixed."

"Sounds good." I nodded.

I glanced at Michael as he started playing the piano and I waited for my cue to step in a start singing. I just went with it, winging it. I didn't really have any idea what I wanted to do with the song yet, but it was one of my favorite Elvis songs and I really wanted to change it up and make it my own. Hopefully Adam can help me do that. Maybe I will add my signature 'scream' in there, just for Simon, because I know how much he hates it.

Adam stopped me halfway through the song. I looked up at him and smiled nervously, not sure what he was going to tell me.

"Are you in a relationship?" Adam asked.

"Um. I was until recently." I laughed softly, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.

"Alright, the reason I ask is because you need to connect with the song more. Have you ever been suspicious about a guy cheating on you or have you ever had a guy be suspicious about you cheating on them?" Adam asked me, smiling.

"Plenty of times." I laughed, "Damn, I feel like this is a counseling session."

"No, this is good." Adam laughed, "I want you to sing like you are singing to one of those guys. Connect with it, because America isn't going to feel the performance if it's done lazy. You can hit those huge notes all you want, but you gotta make sure you connect with the song to make it count. I've seen the show and when you are on you are on girl. You need to just sing it to one of those ex's who had trust issues."

Oh hey Lee. This song is dedicated to you. There was Ashley, Amber, and Lacey. I was going to have fun with this one.

"I'm liking that idea." I grinned.

"Kendall, is the crazy ex-girlfriend that the boy has to run from." Michael laughed, as he turned the page on his sheet music.

"Wow! There are cameras around, so if they get that on film I am not a crazy ex-girlfriend. I just like getting my anger out in singing, better then egging their house or keying their cars." I defended myself.

"I'm hoping you bring some sass to this performance too. I always see you with your cute dresses on, bearing some legs. Tuesday night I wanna see you owning that stage. You're hot, show it off." Adam told me.

"Oh thank you." I smiled.

"If I wasn't gay I wouldn't totally be hitting on you." Adam laughed.

"I'm flattered!" I laughed, placing my hand on my chest.

"Alright, let's run through this again. I also wanna speed it up a bit and we will work some of your crazy notes in there because I have some fun ideas." Adam said.

"Alright." I nodded and smiled.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I was extremely excited for my performance this week. The song was awesome and we really changed it up a bit, nothing too crazy though. I really can't wait to go out there and perform it, it's a lot different then the pervious weeks and I was looking foreward to showing off some attitude.

Rehersals were done with for the day and Katie and I were laying out by the pool at our hotel in Vegas.

"Look who is coming down." Katie said.

I glanced at the pool enterance and rolled my eyes and pushed down my sunglasses as Lee, Andrew, and Tim made their way through the gate. Lee was staring at me as he walked through and I turned to look at Katie who was grinning and shaking her head.

"He is totally checking you out." Katie laughed, "He can't look away."

"Please, he probably just wants ass or something." I said, leaning back against my chair.

"He's not looking at you in the I want booty kinda way, he's looking at you like he misses you."

"Can we not talk about Lee anymore. We're over and done." I said.

"It just shocks me that you two broke up." Katie shrugged, "I see you guys getting back together."

"That's never happening. The guy told me he didn't love me, I'm not going to get back into a relationship where I have more feelings for the guy."

"I think he loves you a lot. I think he is just freaked out by it all and is in denial."

"I think you have been watching too many movies." I laughed.

"They are coming over." Katie said, reaching over and smacking my arm, "Act hot."

I snorted as I looked at her and started cracking up.

"That's not hot." Katie shook her head.

"Hey ladies." Lee said, sitting down on the foot of my lounge chair.

"Hi." I said.

Gosh. Why was he so hot and why did he have to have all his tattoos hanging out? The guy was literally trying to kill me. I was trying so hard to get over him and he was making it so hard. I know it's only day one, but I wanted to be pissed off at him. I wanted to hate him for everything he put me through, and part of me did, but the other part just tells me to forgive him and don't ruin the relationship we have. I just wanted to be back with him. I wanted this to be a bad dream and I wanted to wake up from it and have everything be the way it was yesterday.

"Who ya texting Leon DeWyze?" Katie asked, looking over at him as he texted on his iphone.

"Lacey." He answered.

I felt my stomach drop at the mention of her name. I know it was probably harmless and even if it wasn't it was out of my hands. He was no longer my boyfriend and I had no control over who he talked to or sees. However give it more then a day to start talking to other girls. Especially girls who I didn't get along with.

"Oh." Katie nodded.

"Awkward." I said, sitting up in my chair and glancing at Katie.

"She's excited to see you guys, next week for Idol Gives Back." Lee smiled.

"Are you guys gonna have a slumber party together?" I asked, Lee ignored me. I could tell it kinda bugged him by the look on his face. Maybe I went to far, but when I was upset or mad about something. I had a hard time turning on my filter.

"Okay." Katie said, interuppting the silence.

"I am going to the room. I had too much sun for today and am pretty tired." I said, climbing out of the chair and sliding on my flip flops.

"Alright. I'll be up in a little bit." Katie said.

I nodded and grabbed my cover up and tossed it over my head, before grabbing my beach bag. I walked past Lee and he grabbed my hand, as I walked past and squeezed it lightly. I quickly pulled my hand away and walked off.

What did he think he was doing? I wasn't playing games with him. He needs to quit doing little things like that to me.

That was the most awkward moment ever. The tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife. I needed to get away ASAP.

[caitlynj]

Awkward. lol...

[lovestory]

Just something little before I head to work.
--------------------------------------------------------



Kendall.

Later that night we all gathered in Tim and Aaron's room for a movie night. The night started out great, all of us just hanging out and laughing. Lee spent the whole night texting Lacey and even calling her at one point, staring at me the whole time to try and get me jealous. I acted as if it didn't bother me, especially when he told her he missed her and couldn't wait to see her again, but inside it was killing me. He was doing this to get me jealous. I wasn't stupid, I know the way that the male brain works.

I decided to get up halfway through the movie and walk through the sliding glass door, to sit outside on the balcony. I just needed to get away from him and his immature ways right now. If it was this hard to get over him now, I knew it was just gonna get harder. I was going to be stuck with him until one of us is kicked off and then I was going to have to spend all summer with him on tour. How the hell was I going to be able to do this?

"Oh hey!" I heard the door slide open and Lee's voice.

I turned around and saw him walking out as he lit up a cigarette and took a seat on the empty chair. I rolled my eyes and turned back around, leaning against the balcony and looking at the city below me. I come out here to get away and he follows me out here. I can't win.

"Everything okay?" Lee asked.

"Wonderful." I said sarcastically, my back facing him.

"I'd rather talk to your face, then to your back. Turn around." Lee said.

I whipped around and stared at him.

"You expect everything to be okay Lee. You want to act like nothing happened and I can't do that. I have tried so hard today to act normal, but when you are sitting there in front of me texting Lacey and calling her, that makes me feel like sh!t."

"This morning you were all for making things normal between us and now you are freaking out." Lee sighed, flicking out his cigarette in the ash try.

"I still love you! This is hard for me. Believe me if I could make all these feelings go away about how I feel about you, I would. I want to hate you for putting me through all of this, but I can't. I'm pissed off and hurt, but I still love you even though I don't want to." I said, as the tears started to fall.

"This isn't exactly easy for me." Lee sighed, running his hand through his messy brown hair.

"This is all your fault! You did all of this." I told him.

"I know." Lee sighed, resting his elbows on his knees and his head leaning down, "I think if we were in a different situation and not on the show, everything would work out."

"Lee, you don't love me and that's alright. Don't force yourself to settle if you don't have feelings for someone." I explained to him, "You end up hurting people in the end and it's a pretty sucky feeling."

"I'm sorry." Lee apologized, and stood up walking over to me, he wiped my cheeks and pulled me into a hug.

I pulled away quickly and shook my head.

"Don't do this." I sighed, "You're making this way harder on me."

"Kendall, I care about you and I hate seeing you upset. I am just trying to make things better." Lee sighed.

"You're making them worse." I told him honestly, "I think I just need to keep my distance from you for a little bit."

"Seriously?" Lee asked.

"Yeah." I nodded, as I walked over to the sliding glass door, "Maybe one day things will be back to somewhat normal, like before we even dated."

With that I walked inside and back over to the group and squeezed on the bed, sitting between Katie and Andrew.

"Everything alright?" Katie asked quietly.

"Yeah." I nodded, looking over at the balcony, where Lee stood, "I think so."

"We're you crying?" Andrew asked.

"No." I lied.

"Do you need me to kick Lee's butt? He's my boy, but if he made you cry I will take care of him." Andrew smiled, wrapping his arm around my shoulder.

"No. Everythings fine." I laughed.

"He's a guy and we're dumb. He doesn't mean to be a jerk." Andrew said, "Cheer up and I will let you wear my glasses for tomorrows rehersal."

I laughed and nodded. Katie and I have always bugged Andrew about wearing his glasses. He has about nine pairs and we always tried to steal them and wear them and once he found out he would get mad.

"Promise." I smiled.

"Promise." He nodded.

I honestly don't know what I would do without everybody's support here. This break up is hard to deal with, but it would be a million times worse without everyones support here. They weren't being one sided, but they were all definately here for me and I appreciated that.

[caitlynj]

I love how nice Andrew is to Kendall even though he is Lee's best friend.